Broken collars & sadness

I posted this on StormyFoxx.com as well, but thought I would double post some of my posts for awhile as things get started:

My collar broke this morning.  The chain crumbled in my hands as I tried to put it on for the day.  It put a damper on my Monday morning, as if Mondays weren’t bad enough.  I wanted to burst into tears and crawl back into bed.  All day I kept trying to touch it, as I often do when I’m anxious or frustrated at work, but it wasn’t there.  I felt… lost and strangely vulnerable.

I’ve been feeling off all day.  Not just because of the collar (also, life in general) but that has been a contributing factor.  It makes it more difficult when I cannot confide in my friends.  I can tell them I’m sad that I broke my necklace, but they don’t know (and likely never will) what it symbolizes.  To them, it is just a piece of jewelry.

Wolf and I are long-distance, that damn necklace is the one tangible thing I have with me all day everyday that links me to Him.  I realize that it’s a material object and doesn’t affect my relationship or dynamic with Him, but there is a ton of meaning packed into the delicate little necklace.  I could buy a new one, an exact replica, but it isn’t THAT one.

It’s laying on the bathroom counter now.  I can’t decide what to do with it. I tend to work myself into a frenzy over these things, because everything means something, right?  My mind spins out of control.

Am I being dramatic?  I don’t know. Probably.  I just want it back.

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Introducing: Stormy Foxx

Hey there, friends!

I wanted to take a minute to give you a few updates.  Firstly, I have published a second story under the pen name Stormy Foxx, which you can find on Amazon – Taken By the Executives.  Involves group sex in an office setting, if that’s your thing.

Read for free with Kindle Unlimited, otherwise, it’s only 99 cents to download.

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Secondly, I have decided to start a new website/blog, StormyFoxx.com  where I can market my books, write more stories, and blog about any kink or sex related topic that crosses my mind.

I am not certain whether I will continue to write here or not, though I will be around to read other people’s posts as I do enjoy them very much!

Good Girl Dead – **New Release**

Hiiiii everyone!  I did another thing – released another short story.  This one is a little more.. um.. taboo than the last.  Hence, it went under my Stormy Foxx alias.

Find it on Amazon here

And!!  If you’re a member of Kindle Unlimited, you can ready for free.  Otherwise, only 99 cents!

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The secrets we keep…

Today was strange.  This morning I received notification that someone at my work place took her own life last Friday.  I didn’t know her – she wasn’t on my team.  But, I did walk past her desk every day.  And, I probably walked past her as I was leaving on Friday, excited about my weekend, oblivious to her misery.  But, aren’t we all?

I know how it is to feel that hopeless.  Not so long ago, I was sitting on my bathroom floor with a bottle of vodka, cough syrup, and painkillers… while my cat cried outside the door and my dad and sister blew up my phone.  I felt like a burden to everyone.  Some like to say those who commit suicide are selfish, but I know better.

In my head, I truly believed the world would be better without me.  My parents wouldn’t have to support the daughter that couldn’t get her life together, my sister wouldn’t have to listen to me cry on the phone every time my alcoholic, ex-boyfriend drug me into his cave of misery… my friends, my coworkers, my employer, my classmates, and professors?  They no longer had to watch me slowly tear myself apart.

I was sick.  I needed help, not judgement.

I answered the phone and listened to my dad cry and blame himself.  Then I realized that I couldn’t leave – because as much as I thought their lives would be better, the hole I left would never heal.  I won’t lie – I still feel it some days.  There are afternoons when I sit at my desk in my tiny cubicle and imagine the blood spilling onto the keyboard… or morning’s when I wonder if swerving in front of a semi would be quick and painless.

Those thoughts are fleeting now and are easier to overcome (with the help of past therapy and current medications).  But, I still struggle to open up to the people I love.  I want desperately to spill my inner-most thoughts, but the devil on my shoulder tells me to stop being so needy, stop being an attention whore… to just.. stop.

What kills me the most is the idea of other people feeling the way I did.  We suffer in silence because the stigma is still so prominent.  There was nothing I could do, I know that.  I know that.

 

 

Quarter Life Crisis

I haven’t blogged in awhile.  For a few reasons.  First, I haven’t had a ton to write about.  Second, I have been focusing on my writing.  I have been talking about publishing erotica for a LONG time and I finally did it (check it out here.)

I think I’m having a ‘quarter-life’ crisis.  Yeah, it’s a thing!  Google it!  I feel so uncertain about almost everything in my life.  My job? Hate it.  Where I live?  Over it.  Right now, I have B and I have my writing… and that is all that makes me happy.  Everything else seems like an annoying distraction.

B is always so supportive.  It was Him who pushed me to finish my first story and publish it.  Up until now, I have only written bits and pieces.  He read it and helped me edit it, letting me know where pieces didn’t flow or where elaboration would help.  I love that He doesn’t judge me.

I have no idea what I would do without him.  Even though we are far apart right now, He still makes sure I’m taking care of myself – taking my anxiety meds and such.  He lets me vent and knows how to get me to relax… on the flip-side, he knows how to make me wet too.  My Wolf certainly is magical.  😉

I did a thing!!

Hi everyone!  I’ve been MIA for awhile and here’s why….  I’ve been talking about self-publishing erotica for awhile now and I finally did it.

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Masquerade @ Amazon

Be gentle – it’s my first full story (a short one though, at just under 4,000 words).  To be honest, I’ll be happy if I sell 5 copies!  I finally followed through with something I said I was going to do, and I am SO proud of myself.  On to the next story….

 

Fiction: Used

He had been stalking me for awhile and you know, maybe I shouldn’t have been walking around by myself at 2 AM in such a dark and deserted area but.. hindsight and all that… 

He took me down like a predator who had been waiting for days for prey to stray across his path. I struggled hard and tried to scream but he had a gag in my mouth before anything but a squeak came out.  Being no match for his strength, he dragged me off the dirt path and into the woods.   

I continued my struggle as he bound my hands together and then to a tree branch, but the struggle was weakening as my body betrayed me.  He moved behind me, pulling me against him.. his hard cock pressing into my back.  

“Look at you, slut,” he growled in my ear, pressing his body harder against mine, one hand pressed to my neck, the other teasing my clit. “Tied to a tree, dripping wet… desperate to be fucked.”  

To be continued… maybe.  😉