I think I mentioned in one of my last posts that I was going to write about my first experience with a vibrator… and I decided I want to keep that moment between myself and B. That doesn’t mean future experiences aren’t up for discussion in other posts. 😉
I have so many feelings I can hardly keep them inside. I always feel like bursting into a bunch of starry-eyed little pieces. It is constantly a shock to me that there are not little pink hearts radiating like steam from my ears. I am such a smitten little creature, and I can’t get enough.
Unfortunately, I have been sick this week. An infection in my ear (NOT an ear infection) has knocked the energy out of me. Luckily, the antibiotics have helped and I am almost back at 100%. I’m just thankful I did not have to go to the hospital or get IV drugs again. B has been so patient with me, taking care of me as best as he can even though he is not physically with me.
These are the times when I know he truly deserves my submission (and trust) and the moments when I want to give him all the little pieces that no one else has ever earned. I know he cares about me… and I know he won’t give up on me when times are less than perfect.
It has been tough though, especially as I continue to get better. I am beginning to get restless – I want to play with my Wolf… my sex toy collection has blossomed (considering it was at a grand total of ZERO) since we met and for the last week it has been untouched. I’m not complaining, I was truly in no shape to be playing this last week, but now that I’m getting better my inner slut is coming out again.
As an aside, you may start seeing me refer to B as my Wolf in future posts, my Wolf and His bunny.
Oh goodness… I have so much to write and in this case, I could go on forever but I shall try to condense it a little and also not get too braggy. But, hey, I can’t help it. I’m excited!
A few months ago, I re-activated my Collarspace profile and after the same few months of one disappointment after another I felt like giving up. I was not about to settle for anything less than perfection this time (and let’s face it, finding a gem on CS is rare). It occurred to me that perhaps my perfect Dom did not exist. But, then I got a message from B and now here I am… excited, optimistic, starry-eyed, head over heels, weak-knees and all. So far he has been nothing less than perfect and I cannot get enough.
I have never met a Dom that I have had so much in common with, kinky and vanilla. I could talk to him forever (we routinely have hours long phone conversations, like five hours long!) and I never want to fall asleep at night. He pushes me out of my comfort zone (stick around for a story about my first experiences with a vibrator another day) but never pushes past what I can handle.
Of course, there is still a bit of nervousness and apprehension. There is some distance involved, but I have no doubt that it will work itself out as we progress. Not to mention, these feelings came up awfully quickly. But, I am a huge believer in, when you know… you know. My intuition has never steered me wrong (except when I fail to listen to it) and I am trusting my gut in this situation. I have given B my submission because I believe he truly deserves it, there is no question.
There is now a part of me that wants to delete all my old posts on this blog regarding past hurt and bad experiences – just because all I care about right now is my future with B. I do not want negativity in this blog. I want real and honest (because I know no relationship is rainbows and unicorns 100% of the time), but it needs to be in the here and now. The weight of the past has finally been lifted from my shoulders and I never want to open that door again.
It’s been awhile! I’m still alive! Life just got a hold of me. I want to start writing again though.. and talking about a few projects I’m working on.
Anddd… I met someone. I’ll be referring to him as B and you will absolutely be hearing about him as soon as I get a chance to really sit down and focus on writing.
Also… my first experience with a vibrator. I’ll talk about that too! Yup, I’m 28 and had actually never used a vibrator before until last night! I figured my hands always did the job, so why spend any money… oh my goodness I was missing out.
Anyway… stay tuned!
I thought I’d share a little more of the piece I’ve been working on. See the first teaser here.
He made quick work of unlocking the door and pulled me inside after him. The door was barely closed before he had me up against it, pulling my dress down to expose my bare breasts, teasing my hardened nipples between his fingers.
“No bra either?” he growled. I could feel his arousal against my thigh and I began to grind against him. Any inhibitions I may have had at the bar were gone now.
He pulled away from me, “Patience, my needy little slut.”
A desperate moan escaped my lips and I reached out to pull him back but he stepped out of reach.
“Go upstairs. I will follow in a few minutes and when I do I better find you face down ass up on my bed. Lose the dress too.”
I obeyed and moved toward the stairs, no hesitation.
“Oh and Callista?” he called after me, a dangerous tone in his voice. “You do not want to find out what happens to girls who don’t do as they’re told.”
I have finally been writing, lots and lots of writing and I do not mean blog posts. Erotica. So much erotica. At first it was difficult, I had a lot of inhibitions to get over. Strange given I am not unfamiliar with the kink world. The greatest thing about erotica is that I can delve into fantasies I have no real desire to try in real life but still find intriguing – threesomes, gangbangs, girl on girl, fucking bosses/cops/professors for personal gain, rape fantasies (aka consensual nonconsent). I am far kinkier than I let on.
This is also probably the most honest I have EVER been on this blog. I’ll start posting some ‘teasers’ here, and I hope that if you happen to read it you keep an open mind and won’t hesitate to give any constructive criticism or comments that pop into your head. I’m an extremely novice writer, I need these things. LOL
He pushed me against the wall, pressing his hand to my throat, whiskey scented breath hot against my skin.
“Tell me what you want me to do to those slutty little holes of yours,” he growled in my ear.
No one seemed to notice the show unfolding before them. They were too distracted by the heavy music, alcohol… self indulgence.
“Fuck me,” I whispered back, pleading. “God, please, fuck me.”
His hand found the hem of my skirt, and I shivered as he stroked my thigh. Eyes never leaving mine, his hand moved slowly upward. A wicked grin crossed his face
“You dirty little girl, no panties?
I could only gasp in response as he pushed a finger inside me. Fuck. Then another finger joined the first, a third lightly stroking my clit.
I no longer cared who noticed…
I haven’t really mentioned it, but I reached out to Jason a few weeks ago. I’ve mentioned him a few times here, the only person who has truly broken my heart.
I did it because I had hoped it would help me release some of the pain I still hold onto, and give me a chance to say things I never got the chance to say, but now I’m not sure. Maybe I made a mistake… maybe I need to step back. Maybe he isn’t meant to be a part of my life at all, no matter how small. I just… don’t know.