Desperation

I thought I’d share a little more of the piece I’ve been working on.  See the first teaser here.

He made quick work of unlocking the door and pulled me inside after him. The door was barely closed before he had me up against it, pulling my dress down to expose my bare breasts, teasing my hardened nipples between his fingers.

“No bra either?” he growled. I could feel his arousal against my thigh and I began to grind against him.  Any inhibitions I may have had at the bar were gone now. 

He pulled away from me, “Patience, my needy little slut.”

A desperate moan escaped my lips and I reached out to pull him back but he stepped out of reach.

“Go upstairs. I will follow in a few minutes and when I do I better find you face down ass up on my bed. Lose the dress too.”

I obeyed and moved toward the stairs, no hesitation.

“Oh and Callista?” he called after me, a dangerous tone in his voice. “You do not want to find out what happens to girls who don’t do as they’re told.”

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Busting out of my shell

I have finally been writing, lots and lots of writing and I do not mean blog posts.  Erotica.  So much erotica.  At first it was difficult, I had a lot of inhibitions to get over.  Strange given I am not unfamiliar with the kink world.  The greatest thing about erotica is that I can delve into fantasies I have no real desire to try in real life but still find intriguing – threesomes, gangbangs, girl on girl, fucking bosses/cops/professors for personal gain, rape fantasies (aka consensual nonconsent).  I am far kinkier than I let on.

This is also probably the most honest I have EVER been on this blog.  I’ll start posting some ‘teasers’ here, and I hope that if you happen to read it you keep an open mind and won’t hesitate to give any constructive criticism or comments that pop into your head.  I’m an extremely novice writer, I need these things. LOL

 

Just a tease..

He pushed me against the wall, pressing his hand to my throat, whiskey scented breath hot against my skin. 

“Tell me what you want me to do to those slutty little holes of yours,” he growled in my ear.  

No one seemed to notice the show unfolding before them.  They were too distracted by the heavy music, alcohol… self indulgence. 

“Fuck me,” I whispered back, pleading.  “God, please, fuck me.”

His hand found the hem of my skirt, and I shivered as he stroked my thigh.  Eyes never leaving mine, his hand moved slowly upward.  A wicked grin crossed his face

“You dirty little girl, no panties?

I could only gasp in response as he pushed a finger inside me.  Fuck.  Then another finger joined the first, a third lightly stroking my clit. 

I no longer cared who noticed…

Mistake…?

I haven’t really mentioned it, but I reached out to Jason a few weeks ago.  I’ve mentioned him a few times here, the only person who has truly broken my heart.  

I did it because I had hoped it would help me release some of the pain I still hold onto, and give me a chance to say things I never got the chance to say, but now I’m not sure.  Maybe I made a mistake… maybe I need to step back.  Maybe he isn’t meant to be a part of my life at all, no matter how small.  I just… don’t know.  

Obsessions, tattoos, & neediness

I have been feeling needy lately.  Not necessarily in a sexual way (although, I’ve been having sex dreams like crazy… and I basically always want to fuck), but in a way that I just want MORE.  Life seems like it’s on a forward spring, and I want to keep up that momentum.  I know what I am capable of and I want it bad. 

I have been killing it at work (I’m the boss now!)… and I have been killing it in my fitness journey preparing for Beachbody’s 80 Day Obsession that begins on January 15th.  Speaking of which, I’m seriously considering posting before/after photos on this blog.  I’ll have to hide my face of course.  Not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but I’m definitely not a small girl. LOL.  The 80 days are going to be pretty intense so I’m expecting some pretty big changes given my current fitness level.  If I keep with the program, of course.  Which I will… because, you know, obsession.  I have never been physically fit in my entire life and I want it.

Also, I am sooooo excited for the holidays.  I got my dad a coffee mug that says ‘Merry Christmas – Shitter was full’ and I can’t wait for him to open it.  That is our movie, we watch it together every single Christmas.  If you haven’t seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, you need to watch it now.  Buying presents is my favorite, as per usual, I went way overboard.  Getting gifts is great, but picking something out especially for a loved one and seeing their reaction is my favorite.

I’m excited to see my sister too.  We have been talking for a few months about getting more tattoos.  She is friends with a tattoo artist that works in a city almost exactly between us.  I already have mine picked out, but she’s taking forever to decide.  I want to get a blue Swedish dala horse on my inside right ankle and the words “jag är stormen” on my collar bone (maybe) in some pretty font.  Perhaps it will be my gift for getting through the 80 Day Obsession and keeping it up afterwards!

In other news, I have been on Collarspace again.  All I can say is – LOL.  Talk about scraping the bottom of the damn barrel.  If you are starting messages with “Hello slave cunt, thank me for giving meaning to your worthless existence” you are doing something wrong.  The fact that I have to say that is a little sad.  If only my fist could make it through a computer screen.  😉

 

Creepy creepers

I just need to vent about this situation – it’s so ridiculous!  I’ve had an account on Plenty Of Fish for a few days now and oh my goodness creepers.  The first day I started talking to a guy who seemed nice but then he started making all these creepy comments and he wanted me to give him my address.  NOPE.  Finally, I just told him I wasn’t interested.

He didn’t give up, so I blocked his number.  The next day, I got a creepy text from a random number.  It turned out to be him, so I blocked that number too.  Yesterday, I started receiving phone calls from a number I didn’t recognize, multiple phone calls every day.  I suspect it is him but he doesn’t leave voice messages, so I blocked that number too just to be safe.

Finally, at lunch today… I got another text message from ANOTHER number.  Guess what?  It was him!  FOUR NUMBERS.  What the actual fuck.  Now I am super glad I did not give him my address.

None of the messages are aggressive, but its just SO creepy that he would make so many numbers just to text/call me.  If it continues, I might just go to the police.  It seems harmless now, but given my past, I can’t take too many chances.

Falling into place

“The things you’ve been through in the last decade?  You stumbled and you fell a few times, but you never broke.  Look around you – it’s all falling into place.”

I have the best people in my life.  I’m lucky.  As I drove home from work this evening, life was on my mind.  So much has changed in such a short period of time.  Just over a month ago, I started taking medication for depression and anxiety.  The difference is night and day.

The dark cloud is gone, the constant feeling that something bad is about to happen is gone too.  I started reading again and playing The Sims and listening to music… dancing around my living room, busting out into random songs while I drive.  I feel like myself.  It’s so strange to finally have a quiet mind.  I don’t have panic attacks in the evenings, on the weekends, or feel unnecessarily frustrated at work.  Even my nightmares seem to have subsided.  I care about my appearance again.  This may not seem like a big deal to most of you, but I started wearing makeup to work again.  That’s huge.

The job, the financial situation – it’s all falling into place.  I won’t pretend the romance situation couldn’t use some work, but it’ll happen too.  My mother keeps telling me that my ship will come and I guess, even though it seems I’ve been standing on the dock forever, she is probably right.  I mean, moms are required to say stuff like that… but the truth still exists.

I’m certainly looking forward to 2018 😉