I just have a lot of feelings. Two posts this evening.
I made it a point this weekend to spend a lot of time reflecting on the person that I am, the person I was before all the bad stuff happened, and what I truly want out of life. Do I want to continue pursuing my ‘submissive journey’ or would I rather say fuck it?
I understand that Jason wasn’t a good example of a Dom. I know that. I also know, considering the train wreck that was my most recent relationship, that I can’t do vanilla. I don’t want a relationship, but I also don’t want just a play partner because, at this point, I wouldn’t trust myself to stay unattached. Emotionally fragile, to say the least.
I don’t like admitting this, but I am still pathetically attached to Jason. He fucked me up. I finally confessed this to my sister, who knows a bit about the nature of our relationship.
What would you do if he called or even showed up? Could you step away, Stella?
My mind conveniently forgets his alcoholism, his abuse…