Attached.

When I was hanging out with a Dom a few months ago – I was never truly present.  I wanted to submit.  I really, really did.  But, it wasn’t to him I wanted to submit.  He spanked really well (and that’s about it) but I was never really submissive, just going through the motions.

I met up with him because I was frustrated and also because I felt pressure from people in my life (mother, friends… etc) to give someone, anyone, a chance.  Granted, they had no idea about the Dom part.  Mostly, I was frustrated.  There were better options so far out of my reach and I had had enough.  I felt like I was wasting my time.

I don’t want ‘just’ a Dom, I want something real… a real connection.  I can’t be submissive without becoming attached – and attachment, for me, rarely ends in anything other than complete devastation.  I don’t want that to happen again…

I’m not sure where I’m trying to go with the post, but I felt the need to type something out.  I am feeling that frustration again – that I’m wasting my time, that maybe the things I want aren’t attainable.  I just… don’t know.

stella

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6 thoughts on “Attached.”

  1. You are right to want a connection. Submission demands a level of vulnerability not seen in vanilla relationships, so you need a deeper level of trust and connection to be able give that much of yourself.
    You will find someone. Don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel – the levels of trust and communication need to be so much higher in a D/s type relationship. It can be amazing when done correctly and completely damaging if not.

      Liked by 1 person

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