I had a serious revelation this afternoon.
It was a slow day at work and so I was exchanging a few messages with a Dom I had met on Collarspace a few days ago. We were talking about punishment (and I don’t mean the fun kind). I know not every D/s dynamic has a punishment element, but it has always been an interesting topic to discuss.
My first thought was, “I need to make sure this guy isn’t a total psycho” so I asked him a very carefully selected question: What goes through your mind when you are punishing your submissive?
To be totally honest, I was expecting an answer that would prove to me he was indeed insane. He sent a paragraph long reply but the first sentence, and basic idea of the entire paragraph, was: “I think about her trust in me.”
It’s like a light bulb suddenly lit in my head. Instead of starting from scratch, giving him a clean slate, I gave him the broken one that the others had left me with. I was trying to find a reason to stop talking to him even though he had given no indication that he was a threat.
I haven’t found a Dom, not because there aren’t any good ones out there but because I have put them all into the same category: bad. I haven’t given any of them a chance to prove themselves.
Lesson of the day: There are crazy Doms out there, but there ARE good ones too. It’s time to have a little more faith and a little more trust.