I had a serious revelation this afternoon.
It was a slow day at work and so I was exchanging a few messages with a Dom I had met on Collarspace a few days ago. We were talking about punishment (and I don’t mean the fun kind). I know not every D/s dynamic has a punishment element, but mine always have. It makes me feel better to know there is someone that is going to hold me accountable.
My first thought was, “I need to make sure this guy isn’t a total psycho” so I asked him a very carefully selected question: What goes through your mind when you are punishing your submissive?
To be totally honest, I was expecting an answer that would prove to me he was indeed insane. He sent a paragraph long reply but the first sentence, and basic idea of the entire paragraph, was: “I think about her trust in me.”
It’s like a light bulb suddenly lit in my head. I have had two bad D/s experiences and zero good ones so I was projecting that onto him. Instead of starting from scratch, giving him a clean slate, I gave him the broken one that the others had left me with. I was trying to find a reason to stop talking to him even though he had given no indication that he was a threat.
I haven’t found a Dom, not because there aren’t any good ones out there but because I have put them all into the same category: bad. I haven’t given any of them a chance to prove themselves.
Lesson of the day: There are crazy Doms out there, but there ARE good ones too. It’s time to have a little more faith and a little more trust.