This post is a snowball off my previous post, another mixture of thoughts and revelations and goals. I finally made it home today though my usual one hour drive took almost two and a half hours. It was so icy and at times, no more than a few feet of visibility, a few cars even spun into the ditch because they were going too fast. Even though I have a terrible habit of going out when I should stay home, I’ll never understand people that are not cautious during bad weather. I was going 5o mph on a 70 mph road, and they were easily going over 70.
I don’t think I was in grave danger at any point (such a drama queen, I am sometimes), but, the entire experience very much solidified everything I discussed in my previous post. In fact, doses of Stella honesty were given to a few people the second I walked into my apartment. Those people might read this (I do occasionally tell people about my blog) and that is okay. They know how to reach me if they want to argue their side. However, I have not received any replies and I doubt that I will.
In some cases, I wasted many months trying to trust, to be patient, and to believe that I was not being fed constant lies. It hurts me a lot that I gave someone such an in-depth look into my life, opened up my biggest vulnerabilities for absolutely nothing. It was difficult to be that honest with these people. It was just one that made me feel so sad…
Submission, though it comes naturally when allowed, does not come easy. When those submissive feelings arise, I just want to fight it. It seems like every single time I stop fighting – everything crashes down. For the past few weeks, though? I feel that I am ready to embrace it. I want it, crave it, need it like I used to. I feel very optimistic right now, I think 2017 might be my year. 😉