It’s 2017 and it feels strange. I have no idea why. This isn’t where I thought I would be by now. Not even close. It doesn’t feel good, but it is what it is. Right? I have an entirely new year to fix it all – to meet new people, to figure out my passion.
2016 was not a total bust. I ended an abusive relationship so I no longer have to fear going home. I no longer have to listen to my boyfriend threaten to crash the car into the river… with us in it.
It is strange to me how people affect our lives. The above mentioned boyfriend was in my life for two years but that relationship left minimal scarring (except for the panic attacks every time I see a vehicle that looks like his). He knew he was hurting me and I knew he was hurting me. It sucked but, when it ended, there were no loose ends.
The one who promised that he understood me, that’s where the biggest disappointment lives. I cannot be submissive without getting attached. I cannot be submissive without getting attached. I cannot be submissive without getting attached. Attachment does not require much. In fact, he did not understand and I was stupid enough to believe that he truly did. Nothing came out of that except the most drowning feeling of disappointment I have ever experienced. I still feel it. Last night it even spilled into my dreams. I never wrote about it here and I wish I had.
Lessons learned in 2016: trust your instincts, ask more questions, do not settle. Do not ever settle.
Maybe we got lost in translation.
Maybe I asked for too much.
And, maybe this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up
It is frustrating that Taylor Swift, of all people, seems to have written the soundtrack to my life. My playlists have always been full of heavy metal and alt rock, but she is my guilty pleasure.
Happy New Year, friends. I truly hope all your wildest dreams come true 😉