Feeling a little… regret?

I think I mentioned that I have started pursuing a healthier lifestyle.  Thus far I have been successful in removing unnatural and added sugars from my diet.  A few days ago, I added in some moderate cardio exercises.  I’m feeling good, feeling healthy… even though sometimes I want a damn chocolate chip cookie.  BUT!  I have lost 13 pounds so far.  That is far more satisfying than a cookie!

One of the best things it has done for me so far is to help me avoid eating based on my emotions.  Strangely enough, it has brought a lot of feelings to the surface of my mind again.  Perhaps my body is trying to purge more than just sugar.  The thing I have felt most strongly today is regret.  UGH.

Shortly after Christmas, I delivered a few truth bombs to some people who had been in my life.  There’s one I can’t stop thinking about it.  The damage is done at this point, but what if I hadn’t been so damn impatient?  What if I had been even more honest?  What if I hadn’t been so terrified to share what I was feeling?  It is entirely possible that person did not want to be part of my life, but… that’s never the impression I received.

I do, admittedly, bottle up my feelings, however, I do not typically regret my decisions regarding the people in my life.  This blow was unexpected and hit much harder than I anticipated.

Sometimes I am afraid to be honest here.  On MY blog of all places, because it really isn’t that anonymous.  I give the link out occasionally, but forget that I might need to write about that person sometimes.  My intentions are never to hurt anyone but as I begin to understand myself again… I think that might be inevitable.  An old classmate once told me (in reference to a group project, but it fits here), “You can’t be afraid of letting someone go when they’re holding you back.”

stella

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2 thoughts on “Feeling a little… regret?”

  1. I love your honesty in this post, Stella. As a complete opposite of you, I will tell people exactly what I feel, the minute I deem necessary. I do not bottle up things, and I often time come across as unkind because of the honesty of the unfiltered words falling out of my mouth. I can attest , however, I sleep VERY well at night….LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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