Panic.

I had a good day at work.  I really did.  It was busy, the end of our fiscal month and I had actually managed to complete all my tasks before the end of the day.  No easy feat when you’re relying on people in a different time zone to send lines and lines of data.  I was feeling so good on the short drive home.

Then I pulled into my parking lot… and there he was, Brandon, the one who threatened to kill me so many times.  He was out of there so quickly I could hear his tires squeal.  Last I heard, he was in Florida (which is about as far south as you can get from me).  The panic set in instantly.  What was he doing?

I put my car in the garage and then high-tailed it into my apartment.  And now I’m sitting here in the dark, trying so hard not to let this panic deepen. I really need to go to the grocery store, but I’m afraid to leave just now.

It’s only been a few months since I was legally able to remove him from the apartment lease, even though we hadn’t been together since May.  I spent every single moment of that relationship worrying.  One day I came home and my gray cat was bleeding from the head.  He said he hadn’t touched her, but.. she wouldn’t go near him.  Cats do not spontaneously bleed.

Somehow I could justify him constantly threatening my life, until he hurt her.  If he could physically injure a defenseless animal, then it was only a matter of time until he hit me too.  Perhaps it was my maternal instincts (yeah, yeah…I know it’s a cat).  He had to go but the entire experience was terrifying.  He broke a lot of my stuff in the process.

Seeing him in my parking lot was unexpected and troublesome.  I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled because I’ve had enough.

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