I use the term casual loosely. It’s casual but it’s not because the end goal is to find something real. This has all been so far out of my comfort zone that I sometimes wonder who I am. I am changing, it’s terrifying but it feels good.
It’s hard not to get my hopes up, especially when I meet someone I really enjoy spending time with. The absolute truth is that I tend to be a bit of a hopeless romantic, but the reality is that it all takes a lot more time. I can’t go around slapping labels on people, unless I’m looking for disappointment.
I have basically given up on the ‘kinky’ dating scene. Those profiles are now inactive and if I do log on, it’s only in the hopes of chatting with someone interesting. As introverted as I am, I am so obsessed with people and their lives. Our stories are fascinating.
In general, I’m not sure that submissive Stella exists as she did in the past. I am still sexually submissive and I probably always will be. How much I’m willing to explore that outside of the bedroom remains to be seen. I don’t need or want someone to control my life and I know that isn’t a requirement in the least.
This has all completely shifted my attitude, for the better! My insecurities are slowly draining away. Instead, my attitude has switched to understand that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. The fear of rejection doesn’t need to stop me from trying. I’m becoming the person I used to be before I let all the bad destroy me.