At this time last year I was in the process of ending an emotionally abusive relationship. In fact, just a few days after my birthday I ended it completely after he threatened to kill us both. Why? Because I wanted Mexican food for my birthday lunch and he was “so fucking sick of that place”. Totally a reason to drive someone off a bridge, right?
After I ended it, I felt so free. Fittingly, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Free Bird came on my Pandora station. That song is MY song now.
The effects of that relationship still linger. I am still cautious and slow to trust, still anxious, still believe that I don’t deserve to be loved or happy. I still assume that everyone has a motive to hurt me. Sir tries hard to convince me otherwise. It’s not that I don’t believe him, but that my anxiety is constantly trying to convince me otherwise.
My instinct is to run, even though I have nothing to run from.