Quite a bit has happened since I last wrote, a public post at least. It was a bit of a meltdown, the constant questioning and anxiety that is constantly going on in my head just got to me. Instead of lashing out, I just ran away… from this blog, this life, and from Sir.
I thought that leaving my submission in the rear-view mirror would feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It didn’t. For a week, all I did was cry – cried myself to sleep, cried in the shower, cried in the bathroom at work.
I ran away and he was still there when I came back. I don’t think I deserve him, but I’m not sure what I would have done if he wasn’t there.
It happened and it’s over. Life isn’t perfect, but things will be okay. The lesson here is that apparently running away doesn’t solve anything. Anddd that’s all I want to say about that. Lesson learned.
In other news, I have been extremely aware lately that I do not have any sexual fantasies. Who doesn’t have those!? Of course, there are things that turn me on but not one detailed fantasy that runs through my mind.
So I have been trying REALLY hard to think of something that qualifies as a fantasy. I don’t have what I consider a ‘dirty’ mind (unless I’ve been drinking) so it’s difficult for me to reach into those deep, dark parts of my brain.
But there is one thing that comes to mind – abduction. I have fantasized about that. I don’t mean being abducted by a total stranger. Just role play. Anything that makes me feel powerless….