Close my eyes

Sometimes the past has a nasty way of trying to slip back into your life.  It’s been awhile since that night I shattered into a million pieces but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Small things trigger it, a song, a scent.. or even a word (princess).  Today, though, I do not know what triggered it.  It just happened…

I was just sitting on my couch watching Cheers and all of the sudden I was back slumped on the floor in the bathroom of my old apartment.  A bottle of vodka in one hand and a bottle of Xanax in the other… that stupid necklace he had given me thrown at my feet. My collar. Only 23 and ready to give up.  I even wrote the note…

This happens less and less as time passes, but when it does it is brutal.  Like a curtain closing over my mind, pitch black and suffocating.  It is a struggle to grab onto anything real.  These are the moments I most wish Sir was here, so I try to focus my thoughts on him.  Close my eyes.  The darkness is over.  I know that.

 

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2 thoughts on “Close my eyes”

  1. *hug* I don’t have any words that would help, but I wanted to reach out anyway. I have been reading your updates and I am happy that you found a good man who treats you well, especially in times like this when you need a person to lean on. Having him with you would be better of course (I understand completely, my fiancé travels for his job and is often gone when I have struggles), but you do have someone who cares about you. It helps.

    Liked by 2 people

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