What does submission mean to you?

The next writing prompt in the 30 Days of D/s is about submission and what it means. Considering that I am indeed a submissive, I hope this will be easy… but, I’m willing to bet it won’t be. ūüėČ

As I mentioned previously, Sir will also be answering this prompt, and all the others, so keep an eye out for that!  You can see previous answers from both myself and Sir, here.

Does a submissive have certain behaviors?  Do submissives do specific tasks? When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

So, does a submissive have certain behaviors?  Yes and for the most part, they probably are similar across the board.  Obviously, there will be variances as we were not all created by the same cookie cutter.  I will list a few behaviors of mine that I consider to be submissive behaviors, some obvious and some maybe not so much.  This is absolutely not an exhaustive list and you may not agree.

  1. I am obedient to Sir’s wishes. ¬†This does not mean I am a doormat.
  2. I try my best to be open minded/flexible when it comes to things that might make me a little uncomfortable, but are not necessarily hard limits.
  3. Sir is on my mind 99.9% of the time but I do not let it interfere in my career, friendships, etc..   That said, he is my priority.  Balance is the key.
  4. I am open with him about my likes/dislikes, fears, goals, feelings and anything else you can imagine.
  5. I work to understand that needs/wants are two extremely different things.  I put our needs at equal importance, but I will always put his wants before mine.

The re-occurring theme here is that submissive does not equal weak. ¬†Submission, in my opinion, shows extreme strength. ¬†It isn’t easy to submit to another and give them that kind of power over you. ¬†It certainly is not for everyone. ¬†I crave and need it more than almost anything, but it is still a struggle to give up control sometimes.

While many submissive behaviors might be similar from one submissive to another, their tasks may not be.  I cannot say that submissives have specific tasks.  I only say this because I assume their tasks are set by their Dom and I cannot imagine each and every Dom wants the same thing.

I don’t have a ton but here are is an example or two of tasks from my D/s relationship: ¬†I edge every single day and sometimes more often per Sir’s request. ¬†On the occasion that I am allowed to orgasm, I always record it (we are long distance at the moment, if you did not know.).

When I think of submissives and submission, I think of the following things: freedom (yes, really. ¬†Perhaps I can expand on this later.), trust, deep connections, kink & sex, love, obedience, communication, learning, discipline, rules, strength…. ¬†The list goes on and on.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this same prompt – feel free to leave it in the comments!

‚̧

What does Dominance mean to me?

I have decided to complete the 30 Days of D/s prompts from Loving BDSM¬†which are far more appealing to me than the 30 Days of Kink prompts I had been doing! ¬†They seem more in-depth, like I could actually use them to write a quality post. ¬†Also, bonus, it will not be¬†just¬†me answering as Sir has decided he will also answer the prompts. ¬†He now has editing ability on this blog and will be able to post his own answers. ¬†‚̧ ¬†I think it will be fun to see perspectives from both sub and Dom.

Because I am writing to my own experiences, I will often be referring to Dominants as male and submissives as female. ¬†That is my dynamic. ¬†I am not intentionally leaving anyone out (I loveee everyone), but I cannot confidently write to anyone else’s experience.

Today’s prompt:

“Whether you identify as a Dominant or a submissive, you may have some picture in your mind of what kind of person is a Dominant.

What does dominance in a relationship mean to you? What traits will a Dominant have? How should a Dominant behave?”

Dominance in a relationship, for me at least, has multiple meanings and ways of manifesting.  There seems to be a stereotype (mainly propagated, I assume, by those who have no idea what is actually going on) that all Dom-types are cold, unfeeling, and harsh. They take what they want without negotiation, ignore limits, and are generally terrible people.  Of course, you and I both know this is far from accurate.

This is what it means to me:  It means that I trust Sir so much that I am willing to allow him to own every little piece of me.  It means that I know he has my best interests at heart and he may not always give me what I want, but I know he will give me what I need.  I know he will not harm me.  And, sometimes, it means grabbing me by the hair and fucking the life out of me.  It means a lot of things.

I look for the following traits in a Dominant, some serious and some not so serious.  I probably forgot a few.

  1. Not flaky.  Sets rules and follows through, even if discipline is necessary.
  2. Good at spanking. ūüėČ ¬†The fun kind, not the punishment kind I hate.
  3. Patient.
  4. Willing to see the humor in life.  Why so serious? 
  5. Likes cats.
  6. GOOD COMMUNICATOR.  This is like the most important thing ever.
  7. Likes nerdy things.
  8. Smells good.  (No one wants stinky cuddles)
  9. Understands that he is human and might make mistakes sometimes.
  10. Loves me.

My list comes from a place of needing an actual relationship with my D/s.  I am not a casual girl by any means.  Without that strong connection, I cannot submit.

How should a Dominant behave?  Perhaps this might be easier if I tell you how a Dominant should absolutely not behave by using my own past experiences.

  1. A Dominant should NOT ignore your limits just because he “lost his mind for a minute.” ¬†If he cannot control himself, how will he control someone else?
  2. A Dominant should NOT approach a random submissive he has never spoken to in his life and demand that she immediately submit to him. ¬†That’s creepy.
  3. He should NOT be unwilling to talk about feelings, yours or his.  I mean, unless this is part of your agreement, but I cannot imagine why it would be.
  4. He should absolutely, never ever treat a submissive like she is inferior to him.  This excludes humiliation/degradation/etc that is part of a scene.  Just because someone is submissive does NOT mean doormat.  I am not trying to be cocky here, but I cannot tell you how many Domly Doms tried to show up my intelligence and failed miserably.

Of course this is not everything but I think the moral of the story here is that Dominants do not get a pass on being a decent human simply because they are Dominant.  No one does.  Hence, they should behave like decent people.  Luckily, there are plenty of good ones out there if you are patient enough.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, let me know in the comments and stayed tuned because Sir will post his answer to this same question soon!