Broken collars & sadness

I posted this on as well, but thought I would double post some of my posts for awhile as things get started:

My collar broke this morning.  The chain crumbled in my hands as I tried to put it on for the day.  It put a damper on my Monday morning, as if Mondays weren’t bad enough.  I wanted to burst into tears and crawl back into bed.  All day I kept trying to touch it, as I often do when I’m anxious or frustrated at work, but it wasn’t there.  I felt… lost and strangely vulnerable.

I’ve been feeling off all day.  Not just because of the collar (also, life in general) but that has been a contributing factor.  It makes it more difficult when I cannot confide in my friends.  I can tell them I’m sad that I broke my necklace, but they don’t know (and likely never will) what it symbolizes.  To them, it is just a piece of jewelry.

Wolf and I are long-distance, that damn necklace is the one tangible thing I have with me all day everyday that links me to Him.  I realize that it’s a material object and doesn’t affect my relationship or dynamic with Him, but there is a ton of meaning packed into the delicate little necklace.  I could buy a new one, an exact replica, but it isn’t THAT one.

It’s laying on the bathroom counter now.  I can’t decide what to do with it. I tend to work myself into a frenzy over these things, because everything means something, right?  My mind spins out of control.

Am I being dramatic?  I don’t know. Probably.  I just want it back.


My sister visited this weekend.  We have a pretty close relationship, but we are about as opposite as two sisters can be.  So, as much as I enjoyed seeing her for the past few days… I am ready to be alone again.  We’ll see each other again in a few months and then I will visit her sometime in the summer as I usually do.  I told her a little bit about B (not the details).  She always seems so wary when I start talking about men.  (It was more gushing about Him than it was talking though… you know, starry eyed and all).  But, I don’t think she needs to worry this time, He won’t break me… and she won’t have to pick up the pieces.

I missed my Wolf though, even if I did get to text Him throughout the day and talk to Him each night before before bed.  Honestly, I’m not sure I could fall asleep without hearing His voice first… lately He has been working on some relaxation techniques with me (think hypnosis!) and it is starting to work SO well.  Not to mention all the other doors to exploration this could open.  Of course it helps that I have given Him my submission and my mind is always open to His suggestions.  I trust Him completely.

I have been feeling so peaceful lately – perhaps because I have finally found exactly what I want/need.