Day 2 of 30 Days of Kink (find Day 1 here) is: List your kinks. Sir told me I have to go more in-depth than just listing them so, here we go.
I couldn’t even begin to tell you when I became interested in spanking or even what triggered the interest. I do, however, remember that sometimes Ken spanked Barbie. I have no idea where I would have learned anything like that as I was never spanked as a child. Then, sometime around age 12, I stumbled across a website about domestic discipline. I became a little obsessed with the idea…
I kept it a secret until I met my first Dom, Jason. I’ve talked about him here before. He wasn’t very good at spanking for play, but he did give me a pretty good one as a punishment once. My first experience with the belt and it was well deserved, I promise. It was the first and last time a punishment of his was consensual, before the drinking problem and before the world slipped out from under my feet….
After that, I met a Dom who was basically solely into spanking. He gave me some pretty good bruises but that is literally all I wanted from him. I just needed to forget Jason and his little leather paddle with the star shaped cutouts did the trick, even if it was just temporarily. I led him on and I will always feel a little bit guilty.
I have no idea what excites me so much. Perhaps its the whole pleasure/pain dynamic or maybe its the feeling of surrendering to another person, trusting them to not damage me beyond repair. I don’t have a high pain tolerance at all, but I enjoy challenging myself to see how much I can take.
I’m not shocked that I grew up to be interested in bondage. I always had this strange desire to be tied up. Sometimes when I was pretty young, myself and some of the other kids in the neighborhood would tie each other up. Besides that, I haven’t had much experience here either except with Jason which I’m sure is a huge shock.
I had a pirate wench costume that had these long pieces that were supposed to tie around the sleeves to add detail but Jason used them to keep hands tied behind my back. Otherwise, I’ve been tied, spread-eagle, to the bed a few times by a guy I was seeing.. until I found out he was married.
It’s the feeling of being out of control that I love so much. I love feeling helpless, I love not being able to move, and I love being at someone else’s mercy. Add a blindfold, and maybe a gag, and I’ll be a damn puddle at your feet. Tied down and spanked. Tied down and fucked. So, so good. 😉 Also, orgasms feel so much stronger to me when I am completely immobile.
3. Orgasm Denial
I have never been very good at this one, but I love it for whatever reason. My intense need to please comes in here, I think. I actually get pretty upset if I cum when I haven’t been given permission and it happens a lot because I really can’t control it, especially when someone else is touching me. It just happens.
I played for a few months with a Dom who tried to help me by using my hatred of the wooden spoon against me. It actually did help a little because I would do pretty much anything to avoid that fucking spoon.
4. Anal play/plugs/etc
I like anal play because it makes me feel submissive. I have only one experience with actual anal sex, but I have plenty of experience with the plug. I only have a small one, but it has been well used.
The same Dom from above, the one who liked to use the wooden spoon, was also the Dom who bought me my first plug. I’ll never ever forget the first time he made me bend over the couch so he could slide it in me, like an instant feeling of submissiveness. It still has that same effect, a little bit like a kinky pacifier. Sometimes it’s all that’s needed to cure this girl of a bratty attitude.
5. Consensual Non-consent
I have fantasies about being abducted, I admit it. By someone I trust, of course. I am not interested in doing anything at all with a stranger. It’s that feeling of being out of control and at someone else’s mercy again. The idea drives me crazy. You know, being snuck up on, taken, brought to some random location (or not so random, whatever).. tied up… clothes ripped off.. fucked. I can pretend to struggle but actually be enjoying every last second.
No experience with this at all though, for now it lives purely in my fantasies.
This was difficult for me to write. I don’t know why. I am not used to being open about my kinks.. and I feel like this is still a far cry from ‘open’.