I’m on the move!

Ohh my goodness, it’s been a LONG time since I blogged.  For many reasons, but mostly because I have been super busy.  Why have I been so busy, you ask?  I’m moving!  Cross-country.. in two weeks!  Yay!

Wolf and I are still a thing and I want to be closer to Him.  We aren’t moving in together because we haven’t actually met in person yet.  Some might think that’s a little irresponsible, but I figure we’ve been talking long enough.  Sometimes you just KNOW.  Also, if He was going to murder me He’s been awfully patient. 😉  A patient murderer is somehow better than an impatient murderer. LOL

So, anyway, I have a brand new apartment lease signed for September 1.  It’s way nicer than my current apartment – has a washer/dryer and fireplace in unit, plus the complex has a pool and fitness center.  I have NONE of those things where I am now.

My job, well, all I can say is that I am beyond looking forward to a new beginning.  I hate my job here.

My two cats are coming with, that’ll be an adventure for sure.  The vet prescribed Xanax for the terrible traveler.  I hope it works, 1400 miles of screaming cat sounds terrible.  I’m hoping to let them ‘roam’ the backseat while we drive.  I got them both harnesses and leashes and I figure I can anchor them to the seat belts so they can move around but also keep them from sneaking into the front.

Wolf is driving with me.  He’s flying here and we’re going together.  It makes me feel better.

I’m terrified (but, like, in a good way) for all this change.  My biggest anxieties are all based on my own insecurities… what if He doesn’t like me?  What if He doesn’t find me attractive?  What if I’m too fat…?  Jesus, it never freaking ends in my head.  Wolf knows what I look like, I just can’t stop myself from being insane.

 

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All the insecurities

A few days ago, I created a profile on a site that allows people (most likely men) to ‘sext’ me for a small fee.  See those posts, here and here.  I haven’t done anything with it yet but I am semi-anxious to start.

What’s the hold up!?

I CANNOT for the life of me shake these random insecurities that seemed to pop up over night.

A little bit about me – I fall into this awkward category between thin and BBW.  Too big for the people who are into skinny girls and not big enough for the people who are into BBWs.  I don’t know, I don’t understand it but it is my experience thus far.

I want to put a photo on my profile.  Nothing overly revealing, but enough to show an accurate depiction of my body.  I do have issues with photos, a story for another blog post, but I thought maybe because this was anonymous it would be easier.  NOPE.  It isn’t.  I hate everything.

I have some sort of idea in my head that my body is just weird.  Part of me hopes that this adventure into a little piece of the sex industry will help me feel more comfortable with myself.

So, tonight’s goal is to take ONE photo of myself in some sort of lingerie.  Just one.  I can do this… right?

stella