What does submission mean to you?

The next writing prompt in the 30 Days of D/s is about submission and what it means. Considering that I am indeed a submissive, I hope this will be easy… but, I’m willing to bet it won’t be. ūüėČ

As I mentioned previously, Sir will also be answering this prompt, and all the others, so keep an eye out for that!  You can see previous answers from both myself and Sir, here.

Does a submissive have certain behaviors?  Do submissives do specific tasks? When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

So, does a submissive have certain behaviors?  Yes and for the most part, they probably are similar across the board.  Obviously, there will be variances as we were not all created by the same cookie cutter.  I will list a few behaviors of mine that I consider to be submissive behaviors, some obvious and some maybe not so much.  This is absolutely not an exhaustive list and you may not agree.

  1. I am obedient to Sir’s wishes. ¬†This does not mean I am a doormat.
  2. I try my best to be open minded/flexible when it comes to things that might make me a little uncomfortable, but are not necessarily hard limits.
  3. Sir is on my mind 99.9% of the time but I do not let it interfere in my career, friendships, etc..   That said, he is my priority.  Balance is the key.
  4. I am open with him about my likes/dislikes, fears, goals, feelings and anything else you can imagine.
  5. I work to understand that needs/wants are two extremely different things.  I put our needs at equal importance, but I will always put his wants before mine.

The re-occurring theme here is that submissive does not equal weak. ¬†Submission, in my opinion, shows extreme strength. ¬†It isn’t easy to submit to another and give them that kind of power over you. ¬†It certainly is not for everyone. ¬†I crave and need it more than almost anything, but it is still a struggle to give up control sometimes.

While many submissive behaviors might be similar from one submissive to another, their tasks may not be.  I cannot say that submissives have specific tasks.  I only say this because I assume their tasks are set by their Dom and I cannot imagine each and every Dom wants the same thing.

I don’t have a ton but here are is an example or two of tasks from my D/s relationship: ¬†I edge every single day and sometimes more often per Sir’s request. ¬†On the occasion that I am allowed to orgasm, I always record it (we are long distance at the moment, if you did not know.).

When I think of submissives and submission, I think of the following things: freedom (yes, really. ¬†Perhaps I can expand on this later.), trust, deep connections, kink & sex, love, obedience, communication, learning, discipline, rules, strength…. ¬†The list goes on and on.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this same prompt – feel free to leave it in the comments!

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My submission

I talk a lot about Jason, my first Dom, and all the bad things that happened in that relationship.¬† It didn’t start that way.¬† His alcohol problem manifested itself about halfway through our time together and before that it was good.¬† So good.¬† I think that’s why I had such a hard time letting go of him.¬† He was the first person I was ever honest with about my interest in BDSM and my submissive desires.

Where did all this come from!?¬† A Dom I exchanged a few messages with asked me to describe my submissiveness.¬† I never know what to say when they ask that.. is it even possible?¬† It is different for everyone but I feel like my description won’t be uncommon.

My submission comes only when I feel a connection has been established and once its been tapped into, its intense.¬† I’m fiercely loyal by nature but my submission brings it out further.¬† All I want to do is please and it consumes me entirely.¬† It almost feels like standing on the edge of a cliff and trusting that the world won’t fall away under your feet.

Of course, the Earth did fall away.

Jason and I lived four hours away from each other, so we only got to spend time together a few weekends a month.¬† The sound of his voice on the phone was enough to pull me into subspace almost instantly.¬† He’d call me anytime, even at 3 in the morning after I had just suffered yet another night terror.¬† All I wanted was to make him happy and I did everything within my capabilities to do so.¬† In return, he made it clear that though we were miles apart most of the time, he would always be there when I needed him.

It wasn’t all bad.

I guess when the alcoholism took hold, I felt like I failed as a submissive.  I know now that I did not, but it really broke me.  Part of me is still very broken but that is temporary.

I wanted to write this because I realized I talk about my experiences but never my submission itself.  It is so difficult to put into words.

stella